RUNNING AWAY

There seems to be an old Chinese proverb for just about every situation you might encounter in life. One that I’ve always held dear is this: “Always keep a place to which you can retreat.” Having grown up in a solid working class family in Detroit, I do not interpret this as meaning one needs to own a second home. Far from it; I have enough to do attempting to maintain just one! Instead, I read “retreat” as meaning taking time away from routine, worries, or the normal wear and tear of everyday life.

Of course, retreating is also thought of as “running away, ” and that often carries with it a negative connotation. Certainly running away from home is rarely a good idea, and running away from your problems, if done too often or for too long, makes you rather unpopular with family, friends, and work colleagues. Running away or retreating can seem cowardly.

In the midst of the Great Depression, FDR exhorted the nation that “the only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” His wife, Eleanor, later observed: “You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.” We Americans value those who “face the music.”

Sometimes when you get those butterflies in your stomach, just the idea of looking fear in the face can make you green around the gills. Sometimes when the music plays, the last thing you want to do is sing or dance. Sometimes you are sad, worried, blue, or scared. Whether it stems from work or family or health or some other source, most of us have that feeling now and again of being if not overwhelmed, then of feeling gloomy and glum. You know that if you even stepped foot in the kitchen to begin to try to make lemonade out of the bag of lemons you’ve been handed, you’ll be out of sugar and the pitcher will have a crack in it.

That’s when I resort to running away. While it may take all my energy to psych myself into getting on my running clothes and shoes, once I’m into the rhythm of a run, I’m glad. This is the kind of run where I do not set a time or distance goal, but just head out to clear my head and do something I know I can do. It is simple, elemental. I do not hook up an ipod or CD but just let my mind run along it’s own course as my feet do the same. At the end, I never feel worse than when I started out and I almost always feel better. That’s not to say the problem is solved, just that my mental perspective has improved and I have good sense of physical well-being.


At the end of the day, at least I can reflect back on the time I spent running and feel that I did something of value. A missed run today cannot be made up by running twice tomorrow (well, you could run two times in one day, but do that too often and you’ll probably injure yourself). The windows I didn’t wash or the floor I didn’t sweep will be there tomorrow when I can tend to them with a cheerier outlook (and probably more energy) for allowing myself to run away from them for just a bit.

As I write this, I have Del Shannon’s “Runaway” running in my head (while that does date me, let me also point out I had an older brother who was a teen in the early ‘60s). Here, share it with me. Remember these classic lyrics? “…and I wonder. I won-won-won-won-wonder. Why. Why why why why why she ran away. And I wonder where she will stay. My little runaway. Run-run-run-run runaway.”

Perhaps the important difference is whether your intent is to go and stay away for good, as did the girl who broke Del Shannon’s young heart, or just to allow yourself a bit of a reprieve, a break or some “down-time” from whatever is bothersome to you at the present time. While running away can be irresponsible, it can also be the best response to some situations. I can think of several instances when running away saved me from doing something stupid.

When a situation or person is annoying or irritating, it is tempting, sometimes very tempting, to want to say something harsh. During the holidays, when relatives and friends descend, our homes often become more crowded than we’re used to them being. Rather than addressing head-to-head some minor frustration with a person you care about (who will be happily ensconced back in their home soon), going out for a run gives you some blessed time alone and the opportunity to work out some of your pent-up energy. By the time I return, the feeling of being near boiling point has cooled off and I find I have my equilibrium back.

Just the process of being in motion and out of doors can cause you to think about whatever is bothering you in a new or more creative fashion. A few years ago, a colleague mentioned that a mutual acquaintance, also a lawyer, was about to start a week-long trial and was running a marathon the weekend before. Didn’t I think that was irresponsible? , he asked me. “No, not at all,” I replied. What a perfect way to go over your opening argument, or to consider your theory of the case and what points you are making through each witness. You can think uninterrupted by phones or people dropping by, and you won’t be able to get up from your desk to tune into the game or see what the headlines are on CNN!

Running away can be so absorbing that you find your everyday cares and worries get lost as you put on the miles. There’s a book called Finding Flow by Mihaly Csikzentmihalyi that is based upon psychological studies of thousands of people. The author contends that most of us are out of touch with our emotional lives. He argues that we are at our best when we are fully absorbed in something that we delight in doing. This doesn’t have to be running. That’s just what works for me. If you complete a mathematical puzzle, play a musical piece, build a table, write a computer program, or climb a mountain, you might experience “flow.” It’s the doing of an activity that causes you to lose track of time, to be “at one” with the action.

Of course, I don’t experience this with every run. When I do, I often find that some problem or worry has somehow been percolating in my subconscious. Some hours later, after the run is over, when I bring it forward (or it pops back up unbidden), it is not uncommon to discover that I now see a way to resolve it, or at least, have a better handle on how to approach it.

I hope the next time your shoulder aches from keeping it on the wheel for too long, or your nose itches from being too close to the grindstone, you’ll figure out how to run away for a bit. If you need a bit more convincing from a reputable source, here’s something to keep in mind. At the end of the nineteenth century, the Duke of Wellington was asked his opinion of the best test of a great general. His response? “To know when to retreat, and to dare to do it.” Take heart, run away, and enjoy the journey.